• October 26How to save money on Melatonin by crying yourself to sleep instead
  • October 26“Devious Licks” peaks with students stealing any respect the school administrators had for them
  • October 26Student feels more stressed after wasting time meditating to reduce stress
  • October 26Administrator assigned to observe whether 85 minute periods are too long falls asleep during class lecture
  • October 26New Trier improves diversity by rounding percentages
  • October 26English class reading readings on how to write rereads to write right
  • October 26Tornado Chaser finally catches up

2020-2021 Staff

Annie von Dohlen

Director of the 2000 masterpiece Animated Titanic, writer of Buzzfeed article "tell us your social security number and we'll tell you what mistake you're making with bacon", brief owner of the Motel 6 in Rutland, Vermont, Annie...

Eli Trokenheim

Eli graduated from the Omega One school of Fish Flakes in 1843 with a speciality in tropical freshwater food. He's won the "most medium sized pumpkin" competition at the Kentucky state fair in 1903. Fun fact: he's an immortal...

Brian Greenlees

Brian is a human person.

Maggie von Dohlen

Hi! My name is Maggie. I am the editor-in-chief of the Near True News this year. I'm a senior and will be passing the torch to someone else next year, so I'll do what I can to bring the club to the ground this year. Don't touch...

Teddy Morgan

Teddy Morgan

I call this outfit “Gamer Formal”

Near True News Staff

The Near True News Staff is an autonomous collective dedicated to researching, composing, and communicating the hard-hitting stories that impact students of New Trier.  All articles, lists, opinions, critiques, reviews, observations,...

Cara Siebert

Cara has a THAC0 of 5.

Sofia Russick

Sofia Russick is extremely cheerful and pays attention very well!

Activate Search
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier