• October 26How to save money on Melatonin by crying yourself to sleep instead
  • October 26“Devious Licks” peaks with students stealing any respect the school administrators had for them
  • October 26Student feels more stressed after wasting time meditating to reduce stress
  • October 26Administrator assigned to observe whether 85 minute periods are too long falls asleep during class lecture
  • October 26New Trier improves diversity by rounding percentages
  • October 26English class reading readings on how to write rereads to write right
  • October 26Tornado Chaser finally catches up

2021-2022 Staff

Annie von Dohlen

Director of the 2000 masterpiece Animated Titanic, writer of Buzzfeed article "tell us your social security number and we'll tell you what mistake you're making with bacon", brief owner of the Motel 6 in Rutland, Vermont, Annie...

fish food taste tester, occasional writer

Eli Trokenheim

Eli graduated from the Omega One school of Fish Flakes in 1843 with a speciality in tropical freshwater food. He's won the "most medium sized pumpkin" competition at the Kentucky state fair in 1903. Fun fact: he's an immortal...

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Staff