• “Devious Licks” peaks with students stealing any respect the school administrators had for them
  • Student feels more stressed after wasting time meditating to reduce stress
  • Administrator assigned to observe whether 85 minute periods are too long falls asleep during class lecture
  • New Trier improves diversity by rounding percentages
  • English class reading readings on how to write rereads to write right
  • Tornado Chaser finally catches up
  • How to save money on Melatonin by crying yourself to sleep instead
Ben S

Ben S, Walking Contradiction, wins arguments by yelling the loudest

Ben doesn’t think that being random makes things funny, but he does that anyway because actual humor is hard and memes are hip now. He is a major political advocate, but he changes where on the spectrum he lies every day. Ben doesn’t like being told he’s an old man in a teenage body, but can’t help that things were better back in his day. The only things he loves more than New Trier is the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard, drinking lemon juice, and having a movie he wanted to watch spoiled for him. One day, Ben hopes to be the reason this paper is forced to shut down.

All content by Ben Shoemaker
Load More Stories
Activate Search
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Ben Shoemaker