Since the dawn of time, polo has been known as one of the fanciest and most stylish sports. People are astonished by its complexity and superior elegance. Famous polo players from around the world practice for years to master their sport, perfecting both horse-back riding and hitting the ball with the mallet. What could be the secret to becoming one of the greats? The answer is simple: the 2021 Ford Bronco.
Recently, 12 New Trier students found a loophole in the National Polo League’s rule book. Due to a slight slip-up in the verbiage, the book never specified what type of broncos are permitted in matches. After reading the by-laws over and over to make sure that they were correct, all 12 of the students mounted their Trevian-blue-wrapped Ford Broncos and began practicing. With a cash prize of $150,000, enough for 12 parking spots for a semester, the New Trier students were craving to win the National Polo High School League Championship.
Ow, ow…ow.
– Shelby Mustang, recently trampled opponent
We spoke to player and New Trier student Lauren Ralph. When asked why her team is so great, Ralph commented, “Yeah, I mean I guess we’re just the better team, no team really stands a chance against us. Some people say we’re cheating, but they’re just mad they lost.” She also proclaimed her annoyance with the damages done to her car, stating “Whenever we win for some reason, my car is severely damaged. So far I’ve needed to repair my car five times and had to replace the windshield twice.”
As of now, the team has an undefeated record of 7-0, with two of those wins resulting from surrender. 60 opponents who have dared to face the New Trier Polo Team are currently in the hospital. One of the many victims that had played against them, Shelby Mustang, had a word with us about her thoughts on the Trevians: “Ow, ow…ow.” Shelby also appeared to have tire marks across her face, and upon closer inspection, seven missing teeth.
After other high school polo teams heard the reason for New Trier’s dramatic advantage, they were quick to follow. Thousands of polo players are now purchasing this car, increasing Ford Bronco sales by 52%. The upcoming game this Saturday will involve 24 Ford Broncos and a whole lot of pain. Because of the resulting car collisions, students are turning up in the hospital as well as reporting ouchies in record numbers. Auto shops in the area have also enjoyed the extra pocketed cash and are even sponsoring some teams. New Trier’s new strategy marks a turning point in the long history of polo, some fanatics are even calling this the Industrial Revolution of Polo.
