• November 20Detonation of sun causes the bankruptcy of Sunglass Hut
  • November 20Zoom announces new anti-vaxx campaign
  • November 20Handshake club disbands, “we just can’t make it work”
  • November 19College Board announces new fight-to-the-death scholarship
  • November 19Range Rover names New Trier student customer of the year
  • November 19Protesters protest, not knowing what they are protesting, despite protests
  • October 13New Trier Goes Remote; Lunch Lines Somehow Remain
  • October 13Old Building Bathrooms deemed Historical Landmark
  • October 13Dance Day performance choreographed to Challah Talk
  • October 13Climate Survey Reveals It’s Way Too Hot In Here
  • October 13Parking Lot Small
  • October 13Disturbing New Study Finds That Sophomores are Just Slightly Older Freshman
  • October 13Sinks Removed From Bathrooms to Make Room for Tik Toks

2020-2021 Staff

Eli Trokenheim

fish food taste tester, occasional writer

Eli graduated from the Omega One school of Fish Flakes in 1843 with a speciality in tropical freshwater food. He's won the "most medium sized pumpkin" competition at the Kentucky state fair in 1903. Fun fact: he's an immortal...

Brian Greenlees

Staff Writer

Brian is a human person.

Maggie von Dohlen

Editor-in-Chief

Hi! My name is Maggie. I am the editor-in-chief of the Near True News this year. I'm a senior and will be passing the torch to someone else next year, so I'll do what I can to bring the club to the ground this year. Don't touch...

Teddy Morgan

Gamer-in-residence, and probably other stuff

I call this outfit “Gamer Formal”

Near True News Staff

The Near True News Staff is an autonomous collective dedicated to researching, composing, and communicating the hard-hitting stories that impact students of New Trier.  All articles, lists, opinions, critiques, reviews, observations,...

Cara Siebert

Contributor

Cara has a THAC0 of 5.

Sofia Russick

Staff Artist

Sofia Russick is extremely cheerful and pays attention very well!

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Staff