• March 5School reprimands: “the baggage claim in the Scrounge is exclusively for disembarking airline passengers, not student use”
  • March 5Viola declared the most sat-on instrument of 2021
  • March 5Class of 2024 kidnapped and set adrift on Lake Michigan “to prepare them for the true New Trier experience”
  • March 5Admin whistleblower on remote learning: “It’s just because we ran out of cafeteria food”
  • March 5‘No taxation without caffeination’ campaign highlights campus inequalities
  • March 5Applied Arts stops pretending they want learning tools, just asks for bouncy balls and some Cheetos

2020-2021 Staff

fish food taste tester, occasional writer

Eli Trokenheim

Eli graduated from the Omega One school of Fish Flakes in 1843 with a speciality in tropical freshwater food. He's won the "most medium sized pumpkin" competition at the Kentucky state fair in 1903. Fun fact: he's an immortal...

Staff Writer

Brian Greenlees

Brian is a human person.


Maggie von Dohlen

Hi! My name is Maggie. I am the editor-in-chief of the Near True News this year. I'm a senior and will be passing the torch to someone else next year, so I'll do what I can to bring the club to the ground this year. Don't touch...

Teddy Morgan
Gamer-in-residence, and probably other stuff

Teddy Morgan

I call this outfit “Gamer Formal”

Near True News Staff

The Near True News Staff is an autonomous collective dedicated to researching, composing, and communicating the hard-hitting stories that impact students of New Trier.  All articles, lists, opinions, critiques, reviews, observations,...


Cara Siebert

Cara has a THAC0 of 5.

Staff Artist

Sofia Russick

Sofia Russick is extremely cheerful and pays attention very well!

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier