Eli graduated from the Omega One school of Fish Flakes in 1843 with a speciality in tropical freshwater food. He's won the "most medium sized pumpkin" competition at the Kentucky state fair in 1903. Fun fact: he's an immortal...

Coven leader and reviled spinster, Nicolle is instantly recognizable by the dark shadow she casts in any room she walks into. When not cursing youthful protagonists or concocting hallucinogenic brews, she can be found babysit...

Avery is not the first mutant to attend New Trier, but she is the first one who gets nauseous at the sight of chalkboards. In her free time she attempts to be Spider-Man while trying to overcome her fear of spiders. She is fam...

Riley is a timid, ineffectual student who cannot make even the slightest effort to compose a staff profile or contribute a picture, and thus, here we are.

Ben doesn’t think that being random makes things funny, but he does that anyway because actual humor is hard and memes are hip now. He is a major political advocate, but he changes where on the spectrum he lies every day. Ben...

Max’s accolades include: winner of the 2019 Wriders Guild Award, winner of the Stanley Cup, The Regional Biannual Ping Pong Championship semifinalist, participant in second-grade Little League Baseball tournament (green team), fi...

Anwyn, elusive member of society and author of several critically-acclaimed nonfiction novels “Testing Every Single Crayola Marker Color” and “Dented Water Bottles: An Overlook”, possibly lives in your mom’s house wit...

Abby is a professional procrastinator who can dodge any assignment thrown at her. She has recently become the coach of an Olympic goldfish training team which practices on the weekends in Bali. After graduating from the only ...

Shirley is very irresponsible; she can be found at any given moment running away from her problems or sleeping. On occasion when she is not doing either, she draws what some claim to be “grotesque Pinocchios” in addition to...

To be unique, Said enjoys short sprints at the park instead of long walks on the beach. Said spends his free time sneaking into monkey exhibits at zoos overnight to find out if a monkey truly can write a Shakespearean play on...

Snarky and poorly-coordinated, Elizabeth enjoys intense bingo tournaments and less-than-optimal reality TV marathons.

Sofie, a raging anarchist, spends most of her time hate mailing the IRS. Though her anti-government activities have landed her in prison on quite a few occasions, her resolve remains unwavering to single-handedly dismantle th...