• School bell replaced with Bavarian yodeler
  • Economic inflation sadly not factoring into GPA inflation
  • New Trier cuts costs by crowdsourcing student knowledge instead of using teachers
  • APUSH students demand change to Americentric curriculum
  • Noun adverbally verbs whilst verbing a noun.
  • Near True News social media consultant faces backlash over TikTok thirst trap on official account
  • New Trier lowers stress by no longer asking about it
Administration reveals plan to convert cafeteria into mall food court
Administration reveals plan to convert cafeteria into mall food court
Said A April 5, 2022

Last December, the Board of Education unveiled plans to finalize its Nine Year Plan™ to fully convert the cafeteria into a shopping mall. In addition to the preexisting salad bar, coffee bar, sandwich bar, snack bar, caviar...

Horoscopes: Spring 2022
Horoscopes: Spring 2022
April 5, 2022

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Your guidance counselor will suggest to follow the path of taking high school again.   TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You will survive the...

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier