• New Trier Aims to Preserve History with Time Capsule Filled to the Brim with Liquid Nitrogen, Body Parts
  • One Stop Trev Shop Hides 5 Golden Tickets No One Will Look For
  • Teacher Imagines Students Laughing, Applauding at Joke Made on Multiple Choice Quiz
  • Student has yet to close parenthesis opened long ago, rendering past years an afterthought
  • Teachers Will No Longer Accept Bribes
  • Four-year KW requirement prevents young genius from graduating early
  • 94-Years-Young Substitute Teacher Tunes to HDMI-3 on First Try!
  • Volcano Erupts Beneath School; Administrators Recommend Leaving Home Earlier
Horoscopes: Summer 2024
Horoscopes: Summer 2024
May 29, 2024

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your math class will take a more creative approach to end of semester experiences; an interpretive dance about the opposing forces of sin, cosine, and...

Spring Horoscopes 2024
Spring Horoscopes 2024
Near True News Staff March 13, 2024

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your consumer teacher will warn you that inflation won’t raise your GPA TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The book store worker will argue with you; you...

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier