• November 20Detonation of sun causes the bankruptcy of Sunglass Hut
  • November 20Zoom announces new anti-vaxx campaign
  • November 20Handshake club disbands, “we just can’t make it work”
  • November 19College Board announces new fight-to-the-death scholarship
  • November 19Range Rover names New Trier student customer of the year
  • November 19Protesters protest, not knowing what they are protesting, despite protests
  • October 13New Trier Goes Remote; Lunch Lines Somehow Remain
  • October 13Old Building Bathrooms deemed Historical Landmark
  • October 13Dance Day performance choreographed to Challah Talk
  • October 13Climate Survey Reveals It’s Way Too Hot In Here
  • October 13Parking Lot Small
  • October 13Disturbing New Study Finds That Sophomores are Just Slightly Older Freshman
  • October 13Sinks Removed From Bathrooms to Make Room for Tik Toks

The Near True News

Menu
Harry Potter and the Deathly Lemmings
Harry Potter and the Deathly Lemmings
Eli Trokenheim • December 1, 2020

From the beginning of time, the attack of the lemmings has been inevitable. There is no greater certainty in all of humanity than the lemming apocalypse. Luckily, we have had a long time to prepare, so you just might survive....

Restaurant reviews!
Restaurant reviews!
November 20, 2020
Most Popular Zoom Waiting Room Activities
Most Popular Zoom Waiting Room Activities
November 19, 2020
Shocking Study: Children Under Age 2 Mostly Illiterate
Shocking Study: Children Under Age 2 Mostly Illiterate
November 10, 2020
Horoscopes
Horoscopes: Fall 2020
November 20, 2020

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Your younger brothers will leave you in a Wal-Mart the next time you shop for aglets in bulk. They’re so busted!    TAURUS (April 20-May...

Activate Search
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier