The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

What’s your favorite high school memory?

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Falling in love with myself.

— Raquelle Narcícíst, Mayor’s Mistress

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Hiding in the sewers to see if I can make friends.

— Joe Malonley, Makeup Artist

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Using dried ketchup to hold my page in the Odyssey.

— Barbra Roberts, Bookmark Seller

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Eating my feelings in a McDonald’s dumpster.

— Man Mustang, Guy Ferrari’s heir.

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