• “Devious Licks” peaks with students stealing any respect the school administrators had for them
  • Student feels more stressed after wasting time meditating to reduce stress
  • Administrator assigned to observe whether 85 minute periods are too long falls asleep during class lecture
  • New Trier improves diversity by rounding percentages
  • English class reading readings on how to write rereads to write right
  • Tornado Chaser finally catches up
  • How to save money on Melatonin by crying yourself to sleep instead
Avery S

Avery S, Professional obsessor and critic of amateur (i.e. all) fanfiction

Avery is not the first mutant to attend New Trier, but she is the first one who gets nauseous at the sight of chalkboards. In her free time she attempts to be Spider-Man while trying to overcome her fear of spiders. She is famous for regretting taking summer school, eating anything with curry, and giving unsolicited movie opinions to strangers. Her special skills include ruining pasta and having no plans on a Friday night. Avery’s dream is to wake up in a nursing home with no relatives. Please note to not discuss any topics with her as she will get very aggressive in her opinions.

All content by Avery Sturm
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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Avery Sturm