The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

What are your opinions on unmasking?

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My adviser said I’m not allowed to talk about this.”

— W.W., Valedictorian

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I considered it, but after two years I don’t think I’m ready to smell teenagers again.”

— W. P-T., Failed Cult Leader

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It will make it a lot harder to hide my fangs so no thanks.”

— G. Du V. Amateur Vampire

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The US should be #1 in everything (including Covid cases).

— Z.X., Pizza Enthusiast

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