Major Whoopsie Reported Downtown
New Trier Receives No Presents From Santa Because of its Sorry Lack of a Chimney
Obstruction of just-ice? Cafeteria Freezer Frozen Shut
Artfully Stained Cafeteria Chair Sold at Anchor Day Auction to Dtudent for $30 million.
Teachers Confused About Which Raptors They’re Supposed to Bring for Attendance
The Canvas Panda Has Gone Missing
Upcoming Super Bowl Halftime Show will be “Powerful Tribute to the World of Podcasting”

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

2024-2025 Staff

Unpredictable and tootsie-roll

Max P

Max’s accolades include: winner of the 2019 Wriders Guild Award, winner of the Stanley Cup, The Regional Biannual Ping Pong Championship semifinalist, participant in second-grade Little League Baseball tournament (green team),...

Writer, Gourmet heirloom couch potato, north suburban flaneur

Abby P

Abby is a professional procrastinator who can dodge any assignment thrown at her. She has recently become the coach of an Olympic goldfish training team which practices on the weekends in Bali. After graduating from the only university...