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  • Attendance office sees record number of sign in/sign outs on Senior Skip Day
  • Local scribes struggle to maintain business throughout Spring Break
  • New Trier Social Worker Assigns Homework
  • Midnight train’s journey abruptly stops after hitting streetlights, people
  • Safe and Sound: Winnetka Campus Safely Evacuated from Dangerous Popcorn Machine
  • Gambling Club Runs out of Funding, takes out loans from DECA
  • Local students shine at Turnabout, stun crowds with The Metamorphosis theme

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

Shirley X

Shirley X, girlbossin wasp, the shirest of the shropshires

Shirley is very irresponsible; she can be found at any given moment running away from her problems or sleeping. On occasion when she is not doing either, she draws what some claim to be “grotesque Pinocchios” in addition to indulging in petty crime. Shirley loves eating fingers, breaking rosin, and photoshopping dubious miscellany.

All content by Shirley