The scrounge is crowded with students, all eagerly awaiting the grand re-opening of the bookstore. It is quite possibly the only time in New Trier history that students have been excited to buy books. But that’s not what they’re really here for. These impatient students are waiting for the chance to see what the school has been building behind the mysterious tarps covering the bookstore.
A few weeks ago, the bookstore employees were known for being unkind and slightly terrifying. Students compared walking into the store with “walking into the lion’s den” only there were no lions, only one old woman with quite an attitude. As time went on, the employees only became less and less welcoming. Student reports of verbal attacks grew, and a grassroots movement to close the bookstore once and for all formed. The organization called itself STOP READING, a rather surprising name for a group intending to protect the students within the school. Administrators could not keep up with the steady flow of complaints into the suggestion box. Here are a few of the angriest complaints:
“I went into the bookstore to purchase the classic Green Eggs and Ham by the critically acclaimed Dr. Seuss. I needed the book that day for my AP Language and Composition class because we were supposed to analyze the rhetorical choices of Dr. Seuss for 80 minutes. However, my plan was completely derailed by the disrespectful and frankly, cantankerous employee that was working at the store that day. I will not be naming the employee for fear that she will come after me. Anyhoo, she who shall not be named decided that the book I was attempting to purchase was not worth her time. She refused to sell the book to me and instead threw it at my Hydroflask, a direct assault on my person. After I told the school of the terrible treatment, I was ignored. Shame on the school for hindering my educational experience. I STILL WANT MY GREEN EGGS AND HAM.”
“I have a bone to pick with the architects of the bookstore. First of all, the ceilings are far too low. I’m 7’6’’ and I can’t fit through the doorway comfortably. Walls are also a little too beige for my taste. I think they could use some color, maybe some blue and green to showcase the Trevian spirit. I also really hate the quality of the merchandise. I once bought a New Trier branded Speedo, and it ripped within seconds of me wearing it. What a flop, something needs to change!”
“I have never bought a book in my life. Personally, I prefer to read Spark Notes in my free time or when I’m at the beach. But I did go into the bookstore once to buy a Trevius Maximus bobble head for my desk at home. Needless to say, I was disappointed when I found that they were sold out. To make matters worse, the employee manning the register had no interest in my predicament whatsoever and told me simply to ‘just leave.’”
In response to the widespread discontent over the bookstore, the school decided to switch bookstore providers. In a press release, Principal Dawn McMaffen told reporters that the new bookstore would be “bigger and better than ever.” Plans for the store included a tiki-style snack bar to attract students who didn’t want to read, a rotating sushi restaurant, and a cryogenics laboratory. The purpose of the latter two renovations is unknown, however we at the Near True News were in full support of such interesting additions to a rather glum space.
To our great surprise, none of these plans came to fruition. The school planned a grand re-opening of the bookstore to celebrate years of work. Almost the entire school attended, eager to experience the state of the art room of books. Now, the store is run by a brand new group of surly employees, reluctant to sell the very books they are hired to stock.
When Dawn McMaffen took the honor of cutting the slightly larger-than-life ribbon, a wave of utter disappointment washed over the gathering crowd. The room appeared to be exactly the same as before. As the crowd began to boo, McMaffen hurried to salvage the ceremony. She declared that the school had added a “new coat of beige paint” to the walls and “built new shelving units using sturdy titanium bolts rather than the old brass ones.”
This excuse calmed the sea of angry students slightly, but widespread frustration with the school continued to blossom. It’s safe to say that the new bookstore was a great success!
