New Trier famously lacks parking, forcing its loyal Trevians to move heaven and earth to find a sliver of pavement large enough to fit their vehicles. Although many houses have capitalized on the lack of parking by charging students to park in their driveways, one house has dominated the market. This small house would otherwise attract no attention, except it fills its driveway with about 25 cars every day. Though one can only see those 25 cars parked in the driveway, a staggering 400 students claim to park at the house. Near True News investigators attempted to get to the bottom of the matter, interviewing the mysterious homeowners.
We asked Mrs. Parker, the homeowner in question, about the number of cars parking in her driveway: “We park a few cars here and a few cars there. It really depends on how people are willing to pay. Let’s just say…we make it work.” With a wink, she walked back into the house, and a strange mechanical noise followed.
This mechanical noise can be heard multiple times each morning and each afternoon. According to anonymous sources, occasionally new cars appear in the driveway mysteriously while no cars are seen entering the driveway.
The reason for all of this spookiness? A 23-floor underground parking garage located beneath the house. Though Mr. And Mrs. Parker avoided revealing their business secrets, longtime neighbors of the Parkers explained their system: “Many of the parking spots are passed down through generations, often staying in the same family for decades. They are known to provide high quality service too. The garage has a state of the art light system that detects the weight of a car in each space, indicating that a space is open with a green light.” When asked about the price, all students, parents, and homeowners refused to comment, surely embarrassed by the exorbitant sum.
According to inside sources, this high-tech parking garage was financed using the egregious sum of money collected by the Parkers over years and years of renting out their driveway. As their cash flow has increased, they have added new floors to the garage, increasing their revenue with each investment.
Business student James McKanfield expressed his appreciation for the Parkers.
“My dad parked there, his dad parked there, and his grandfather even parked there,” McKanfield explained. “The Parkers are honestly an inspiration to the business world. They are true entrepreneurs, and I’ve invited them to speak to my Hustling 101 business class this week.”
It seems that the Parkers’ parking empire has overshadowed even the New Trier senior parking lottery. Rumor has it that the Parkers are planning to build an offsite garage on a floating platform in Lake Michigan to accommodate even more students in top-of-the-line comfort. The details aren’t worked out yet, but students are already bidding to win a space, even if it means taking a ferry from the garage to Elder Beach.
