Citing a need for tightened security at the school, New Trier has announced heightened security measures around all entrances and exits to both campuses. This change in policy resulted from a grassroots effort organized by “concerned” district parents who demanded “daily Birth Certificate, passport, fingerprint, retinal, and DNA checks.” The measures will go into effect on April 1, 2025.
School administrators have claimed that the more restrictive security protocols are merely “a small measure to increase campus safety for all students.” Dr. North—a spokesperson for the school administration—assured reporters that requiring students to scan student IDs, Birth Certificates, retinas, and ankle bracelets would “drastically increase school safety” and “be more than worth every single taxpayer dollar spent on the program.” The school’s preliminary budget reports show more than $90 million—roughly 80% of the school’s annual budget—will be allocated for the increased security measures.
“Students will then lay down and be scanned by an Electron Microscope before their ankle bracelet is secured and connected to their student ID.”
The new highly anticipated security measures include, but are not limited to, five layers of checkpoints taking an average of four hours to clear one student. First, students must scan their normal school IDs under a standard bar-code scanner. Next, students walk through an X-Ray machine not dissimilar to ones found at airports. After, students must scan both retinas at this school’s Skynet Terminal. Then, students surrender their birth certificates, passports, and driver’s licenses, which will be held until the student does these steps in reverse. Students will then lay down and be scanned by an Electron Microscope before their ankle bracelet is secured and connected to their student ID.
District parents as a whole are “disappointed that the school district made the unfortunate decision to only include twelve out of our forty proposed measures,” yet Dr. Smith Greenbean, a notable parent activist, was reportedly “quite pleased” with the end result, noting that “potential threats to the school and its students needed to be addressed.”
