It’s autumn, and the leaves are falling. But with new COVID restrictions it’s a lot harder to go out and waste money buying fake pine cones at Bed Bath and Beyond. Luckily our interior design consultant has a clever solution as to how you can elevate your “living-amongst-the rotting-trees” fall vibe. 

“Every day the piles of leaves on the side of the street grow, and I can’t help but imagine how gorgeous those heaps of wet decaying leaves would look in my living room. Just think of the colors: dirt brown, rabbit poop brown, mud brown, tree bark brown, squirrel fur brown, all thrown together with the help of a nice accent wall in a soothing brown. Grab a trash bag and start scooping up any leaves that you see. To add that extra sparkle, wait 12 hours after it rains so you can capture the ambrosial aroma that marks the beginning of a black mold infestation. You might even snag a few mushrooms (the psychedelic kind if you’re lucky) and you can start a fungus culture under your couch, between the toes, or in the cheese cupboard.

Pinecones are another easy to prepare fall favorite. All you have to do is wander around your backyard and pick up any pine cones you can find. Make sure you practice your fence climbing skills in case you need more pine cones from your neighbor’s yard. Once you have your pinecones in a basket and your hands appropriately coated with pine tar, pine needles and raccoon poop, sprinkle some yellow glitter to delicately accentuate the buildup of dog pee that’s been gathering on your pine cones for the past month.

This last one is often overlooked by even the best Instagram influencers. Dirt. Just dirt. Clods, clumps, piles, dust, mud, potting soil, clay, gravel, roots. Spread it all throughout your house: smear it on the walls, sprinkle it on your bed, toss it on the coffee table, put it in your coffee, make your coffee with dirt instead of beans. Be creative and enjoy every part of nature from the comforts of your home.”