• School Therapist says, “Be better.”
  • New Trier Students Named "Most Humble" by Same New Trier Students
  • Students question origins of baby oil after learning about olive presses
  • State government installs more “no gun” stickers to protect students
  • Near Troo Noows Bans Speelchek
Eli T, Co-Editor

Eli T, Co-Editor, fish food taste tester, occasional writer

Eli graduated from the Omega One school of Fish Flakes in 1843 with a speciality in tropical freshwater food. He's won the "most medium sized pumpkin" competition at the Kentucky state fair in 1903. Fun fact: he's an immortal being who can only be killed with a goose feather stabbed through his eyeball. In his spare time Eli enjoys gutting other people's pet voles with a kitchen knife, and is developing a magic cocktail that attracts every single post-it note in the universe to your left ring finger.

All content by Eli T, Co-Editor
Activate Search
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Eli T, Co-Editor