• School bell replaced with Bavarian yodeler
  • Economic inflation sadly not factoring into GPA inflation
  • New Trier cuts costs by crowdsourcing student knowledge instead of using teachers
  • APUSH students demand change to Americentric curriculum
  • Noun adverbally verbs whilst verbing a noun.
  • Near True News social media consultant faces backlash over TikTok thirst trap on official account
  • New Trier lowers stress by no longer asking about it
Ben S

Ben S, Walking Contradiction, wins arguments by yelling the loudest

Ben doesn’t think that being random makes things funny, but he does that anyway because actual humor is hard and memes are hip now. He is a major political advocate, but he changes where on the spectrum he lies every day. Ben doesn’t like being told he’s an old man in a teenage body, but can’t help that things were better back in his day. The only things he loves more than New Trier is the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard, drinking lemon juice, and having a movie he wanted to watch spoiled for him. One day, Ben hopes to be the reason this paper is forced to shut down.

All content by Ben S
Activate Search
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Ben S