5 Clubs That Will DEFINITELY Make You Cool


Science Olympiad: This club is exclusively for jocks. Between the electronic balances and the studying, only true athletes will be able to keep up. If you like chest bumping, getting concussions, and squirting Gatorade bottles into your mouth from several inches away, then sitting at a desk and learning the boiling points of every element will be fun for you. The knowledge you will learn in this club will surely be useful in later life, especially considering the number of New Trier students who go on to be important scientists. Maybe you’ll finally be able to calculate the rate of degeneration of your brain cells. 


Chess Club: Here at the chess club, we don’t mess around. We will turn you from a pawn into a king, from a ROOKie into a PAWN-fessional. After joining this club, you’ll be able to play chess against the musty old men in Washington Square Park. Just a warning though: you may start seeing chess boards and pieces on the ceiling when you are trying to sleep. You may also find yourself in an orphanage and end up being adopted by an unhappily married couple with way too much floral wallpaper. So, if you enjoy your beauty sleep, this isn’t the club for you.


Bird-Watching Club: In this wonderful club, we try to foster a strong sense of community, so if you’re ever in trouble, let out an ear-piercing “tweet tweet ca-caw ca-caw, AGHHHHHHH” and our other members will come to your rescue. You should find this extremely useful, as our members are frequently pushed off balconies, chased down hallways, and even tarred and feathered.  (Joke’s on you, swim team! We love feathers!) Additionally, once a month we throw a party with New Trier’s legendary tree identifying club where we walk the sidewalks and byways of New Trier Township and admire the majesty of the birds (and trees) that line the way to school.


Book Club: One of the old ladies sitting around a large round table draped in a thick floral tablecloth beckoned, “Come sit around the table with us darling. Have a cup of tea. Stay awhile. We’re reading a lovely book called the Secret Garden, and we’re planning on acting out our favorite scenes when we’ve finished. Isn’t that exciting honey? Oh! I almost forgot! We have crumpets and lemon curd! Here honey, you must be hungry.” 


If you would like to embrace your inner Octogenarian, this is the club for you!


Debate: Here you will learn to argue with everything that is said to you. Someone says yes? THE ANSWER IS OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!! Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the opinionated arguing that we call sport. You’ll love spending your weekends sifting through thousands of pages of 1930s news articles to find the one quote that someone is being forced to disagree with. Morals? We don’t believe in morals. You will argue for the side you are assigned, and if you don’t like it, you can argue with us about not arguing for the side you weren’t told not to argue.