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  • New Trier will rebrand to Ewnay Riertay in remembrance of those lost to the Swine Flu
  • As part of a massive marketing deal with Smuckers, teachers will have to advertise jelly in between passing periods
  • Scientists determine that infinite monkeys with typewriters could not write New Trier’s course catalog if given eternity
  • New Trier reveals 2028 plans to begin construction of a Seville campus to combat falling AP Spanish grades
  • New Trier makes revolutionary move cracking down on student vaping, adds cameras to every bathroom stall
  • New Trier announces “Zero Senioritis Policy”; implements mandatory testing, lockdowns, and quarantining for afflicted E-Building classrooms.
  • New Trier sees quarter zips decline as wearing a top hat and tux is the new craze

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

Mandy B.

Mandy B.

A royal princess and supernatural huntress, Mandy can be found teleporting to different realms searching for unknown characters for her writing pleasures. When she is not out hunting, she is living comfortably in her gothic castle with her typewriter whom she considers her best friend.  She holds court with her long, frigid stare that freezes anyone who dares to cross her path. You might just end up in one of her satirical stories or books. But BEWARE… Don’t think you can outsmart her, she is a hat of surprises. 

All content by Mandy B.
Top Ten New Clubs at New Trier

Top Ten New Clubs at New Trier

Mandy B. February 24, 2026

Hey Trevians, are you still not able to find a club here at New Trier High School, even though this school probably has over a billion to choose from? Well, I am here with the top ten new clubs! I Don’t...

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