• 94-Years-Young Substitute Teacher Tunes to HDMI-3 on First Try!
  • Volcano Erupts Beneath School; Administrators Recommend Leaving Home Earlier
  • Lincoln’s Final Letters Reveal Wishes for Big Big Big Chair
  • Scientists Terrified to Discover Astrology Fake
  • Honesty No Longer Best Policy
  • Cooking Classes Will No Longer Be Taught By Eminem’s Mom
  • Women’s Construction Club Breaks Glass Ceiling in Major Sledgehammer Accident
Nick S

Nick S

Nick is a small green man from Mars, but he won’t admit it because the government paid him off. Crucial in faking the moon landing, Nick possesses many important skills, but a basic understanding of object permanence is sadly not one of them.

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The 10 Best New Courses Coming Next School Year

The 10 Best New Courses Coming Next School Year

Nick S March 6, 2024

With a new school year around the corner, the New Trier academics department has released a collection of all new courses to be added. These courses have yielded both good and bad reactions, which might...

PA System No Longer Causes Hearing Damage; Students Furious

PA System No Longer Causes Hearing Damage; Students Furious

Nick S November 15, 2023

New Trier’s morning announcements have long been a source of joy at the start of an otherwise dull and tedious school day. From the Pledge of Allegiance to club invitations, listening to the messages...

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Nick S