New Trier’s morning announcements have long been a source of joy at the start of an otherwise dull and tedious school day. From the Pledge of Allegiance to club invitations, listening to the messages from the speakers every day at the beginning of advisory is a staple of the NTHS experience. However, there has been recent unrest among the student body after improvements to the school-wide speaker system were made. The tinny bells, disgusting sound quality, and screechy feedback have been removed in favor of soothing chimes and shockingly intelligible audio, and students are not happy about it.
“The start of the school day just isn’t the same anymore,” explained Polly Tommic, a senior. “All my years here at the Winnetka campus I’ve been able to count on the loud, abrasive announcements to wake me up so I’d be ready for a great day of learning. Now that they’re all calm and relaxed, I’m too tired to focus throughout the day.”
Most of the others we interviewed agreed, and the general consensus among the student population is that this “improvement” to the speaker system has only led to worse school experiences. With such widespread unhappiness, we wanted to find out what had caused the changes in the first place.
Principal Don McMuffin had this to say: “What? Are you kidding me, did you hear the announcements before? Those Friday fight songs? Those were torture! You couldn’t understand half the words, and the ones that were audible were either blatantly wrong or horrendously out of tune! Are you serious? Get out of my office!”
“He just sounds like a downer, honestly,” Polly said in response to the principal’s comments. “Those fight songs were great, and that audio feedback at the start and end was by far my favorite part. Remember that one time when the teacher forgot to turn off the microphone for like a minute after the announcements and all we heard was high pitched screeching? Best day of my life.”
Still searching for the reason behind the changes to the speaker system, we got in touch with Koral Forme, a member of the administrative staff, who told us the new changes were made to avoid any possible lawsuits relating to student hearing damage from the morning announcements.
“We’re already down enough money from that $80 million expansion to the east wing,” she explained. “If we had to settle some lawsuits on top of that, we might be looking at having to reduce teachers’ wages from two packs of used gum and a handful of bread crumbs to just one pack and a half handful of bread crumbs, and we’re not prepared to do that. Well, unless we decide on another fun project, like adding a helipad to the roof or creating a Hunger Games-esque fight to the death between tributes from each advisory. Now that I think about it, I’d be willing to cut it down to just a half pack of gum if it means I can watch Trevius Maximus shish kabob some freshmen at the “Fun-ger Games” every year…”
Ms. Forme then refused to elaborate or continue the interview and instead began typing away furiously. The implications of that are unclear, but Near True News readers will be the first to know if they have to select a tribute to send to the “Fun-ger Games.” Regarding the PA system changes, it seems that the hope was to stave off any future lawsuits, which has been successful thus far. Still, with all the complaints from the students and rumors of plans of rebellion spreading through the halls, the school may be forced to revert the changes and restore the speakers to their former ear-deafening, headache-inducing, baby-cry-causing glory.
