Major Whoopsie Reported Downtown
New Trier Receives No Presents From Santa Because of its Sorry Lack of a Chimney
Obstruction of just-ice? Cafeteria Freezer Frozen Shut
Artfully Stained Cafeteria Chair Sold at Anchor Day Auction to Dtudent for $30 million.
Teachers Confused About Which Raptors They’re Supposed to Bring for Attendance
The Canvas Panda Has Gone Missing
Upcoming Super Bowl Halftime Show will be “Powerful Tribute to the World of Podcasting”

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

Caitlin CS, Writer Emeritus

All content by Caitlin Carr-Smith

The Art Here Sucks

Caitlin Carr-Smith • March 26, 2020

I know this is supposed to be a satirical newspaper, and this article’s message should be elegantly masked in witty satire and prose. It’s what I’m not getting paid for, after all. But frankly, the...

School Takes New Measures to Deal With Stress

Caitlin Carr-Smith and Adam Ruzumna • March 26, 2020

"Every time I see a sweaty student sprinting from the basement to the fourth floor, I think, ‘that’s real progress.’"

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