Squirrel Torture Kit

Does the long New Trier block schedule make you want to take your anger out on a small, fluffy animal? Of course it does! This action-packed after-school activity will knock your socks off! You will love every second of “playtime” and truly “enjoy” what you do to those lucky little fellows. Includes: 1 Chainsaw.

Have fun kids! We know you will.

Fire

Pull out your wallets, everybody! Fire is the hottest gift among students right now, and for good reason. It could be the perfect gift! All of your classmates will marvel at you when you walk into class with fire! You’ll never run out of fire! It’s not like anyone ever said not to play with it. And if they did, it’s just ‘cause they’re a party pooper. Sure, it’s a little dangerous, but life is about taking risks. Play with fire, not by the rules.

Introduction to Tax Evasion: All You Need to Know

We’ve all got to commit tax fraud eventually, so it’s best to be prepared. That’s why you should enroll your special someone in Tax Evasion 101 at New Trier, because there is no time like the present (unless it’s tax day). So instead of doing what George Washington would have wanted, save your George Washingtons and do what you want. Sign up your parents, your peers, and even your old pop.