NT Pooping Team Wins Regionals, Moves on to State


The New Trier Pooping Team came out victorious in the regional pooping championship, and is now preparing for state. “I can already smell victory,” says Bo Wells, who has been head pooping coach for three years.

New Trier won 2nd in the length category, 1st in the consistency category, and 1st in the trick category. Some trick poops that they pulled off include dry dockers, upper deckers, and Lincoln Logs.

Lockdown for the pooping team was especially difficult, consisting of poop-at-home Zoom meetings and socially-distanced stall hangouts. Wells says that members have really been “greasing up their pipes” this season, as this is their first year back from COVID.

The pooping team now practices weekly after lunch in the bathroom, holding hands underneath the stalls and singing common pooping hymns. This intimacy between teammates leaves them with a sense of community that some call a “home away from home.”

“Heave! Ho! Heave! Ho! I haven’t crapped in a week or so!” as well as other sounds, can often be heard in the library next door to the training bathroom.  Members of the pooping team follow a strict, prune-based diet in the months leading up to the competition, a shared sacrifice that ensures a solid team performance. 

However, the team has faced its share of adversity this year. One team member resigned mid-season due to performance-related injuries; meanwhile, increased fiber in New Trier’s cafeteria offerings has also slowed players’ progress. 

Nevertheless, Coach Wells is optimistic about the team’s chances of winning downstate. 

“Even if we don’t take first place, we would still be happy to end up at number 2,” he said.