• 94-Years-Young Substitute Teacher Tunes to HDMI-3 on First Try!
  • Volcano Erupts Beneath School; Administrators Recommend Leaving Home Earlier
  • Lincoln’s Final Letters Reveal Wishes for Big Big Big Chair
  • Scientists Terrified to Discover Astrology Fake
  • Honesty No Longer Best Policy
  • Cooking Classes Will No Longer Be Taught By Eminem’s Mom
  • Women’s Construction Club Breaks Glass Ceiling in Major Sledgehammer Accident
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9 things I Love About Sigmund Freud 

9 things I Love About Sigmund Freud 

Shirley X and Tyler W April 5, 2023

The Oedipus Complex: Something about it is just so quaint. It also upholds wholesome family values. His glasses: Blindness is an affliction that appeals to me. His beard: Its luscious...

Human Hamster Wheels, Sweatshops Among Changes to Kinetic Wellness Curriculum

Human Hamster Wheels, Sweatshops Among Changes to Kinetic Wellness Curriculum

Caleb S and Shirley X May 24, 2022

Earlier this week, District Head of State Donovan McMaphin announced the implementation of a revamped Kinetic Wellness curriculum. “The new Kinetic Wellness will not only offer improved opportunities...

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Shirley X