• New Trier Aims to Preserve History with Time Capsule Filled to the Brim with Liquid Nitrogen, Body Parts
  • One Stop Trev Shop Hides 5 Golden Tickets No One Will Look For
  • Teacher Imagines Students Laughing, Applauding at Joke Made on Multiple Choice Quiz
  • Student has yet to close parenthesis opened long ago, rendering past years an afterthought
  • Teachers Will No Longer Accept Bribes
  • Four-year KW requirement prevents young genius from graduating early
  • 94-Years-Young Substitute Teacher Tunes to HDMI-3 on First Try!
  • Volcano Erupts Beneath School; Administrators Recommend Leaving Home Earlier
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9 things I Love About Sigmund Freud 

9 things I Love About Sigmund Freud 

Shirley X and Tyler W April 5, 2023

The Oedipus Complex: Something about it is just so quaint. It also upholds wholesome family values. His glasses: Blindness is an affliction that appeals to me. His beard: Its luscious...

Human Hamster Wheels, Sweatshops Among Changes to Kinetic Wellness Curriculum

Human Hamster Wheels, Sweatshops Among Changes to Kinetic Wellness Curriculum

Caleb S and Shirley X May 24, 2022

Earlier this week, District Head of State Donovan McMaphin announced the implementation of a revamped Kinetic Wellness curriculum. “The new Kinetic Wellness will not only offer improved opportunities...

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Shirley X