• Major Whoopsie Reported Downtown
  • New Trier Receives No Presents From Santa Because of its Sorry Lack of a Chimney
  • Obstruction of just-ice? Cafeteria Freezer Frozen Shut
  • Artfully Stained Cafeteria Chair Sold at Anchor Day Auction to Dtudent for $30 million.
  • Teachers Confused About Which Raptors They’re Supposed to Bring for Attendance
  • The Canvas Panda Has Gone Missing
  • Upcoming Super Bowl Halftime Show will be “Powerful Tribute to the World of Podcasting”

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News
The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News
Said A

Said A, Computer key presser, runner when he has to be

To be unique, Said enjoys short sprints at the park instead of long walks on the beach. Said spends his free time sneaking into monkey exhibits at zoos overnight to find out if a monkey truly can write a Shakespearean play on a typewriter if it has enough time. Said also recreationally takes an excessive amount of slips of paper from paper ads put on the poles of public signs and traffic lights.

All content by Said A
Administration reveals plan to convert cafeteria into mall food court

Administration reveals plan to convert cafeteria into mall food court

Said A • April 5, 2022

Last December, the Board of Education unveiled plans to finalize its Nine Year Plan™ to fully convert the cafeteria into a shopping mall. In addition to the preexisting salad bar, coffee bar, sandwich...

Goodbye, Safe Spaces; Hello, Danger Zones

Goodbye, Safe Spaces; Hello, Danger Zones

Nicolle B, Said A, and Annie v • January 25, 2022

As part of its continuous efforts to foster solidarity and flexibility among its student body, New Trier has announced its commitment to creating “Danger Zones” in classrooms and adviseries.  “Safe...

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