• School bell replaced with Bavarian yodeler
  • Economic inflation sadly not factoring into GPA inflation
  • New Trier cuts costs by crowdsourcing student knowledge instead of using teachers
  • APUSH students demand change to Americentric curriculum
  • Noun adverbally verbs whilst verbing a noun.
  • Near True News social media consultant faces backlash over TikTok thirst trap on official account
  • New Trier lowers stress by no longer asking about it
Said A

Said A, Computer key presser, runner when he has to be

To be unique, Said enjoys short sprints at the park instead of long walks on the beach. Said spends his free time sneaking into monkey exhibits at zoos overnight to find out if a monkey truly can write a Shakespearean play on a typewriter if it has enough time. Said also recreationally takes an excessive amount of slips of paper from paper ads put on the poles of public signs and traffic lights.

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Said A