At significant risk to their lives and reputations, our stalwart reporters here at the NTN have pieced together shredded documents recovered from the Post-High School Counseling department wastebaskets. In these papers, we found the following rejected essay topics, which you can use for your own college essays (but probably shouldn’t).

1. How I Found Peace With Premeditated Murder
2. My Clothes Are Not Your Bonfire Starter
3. No Arson, No Glory, No Lollipops (soon to be a Pixar short)
4. When My IRS Ransom Letters Went Unanswered
5. Carrot Cake: True Love in the Age of Pistachio Ice Cream 
6. What Happened When I Accidentally Drank a Gallon of Balsamic Vinaigrette  
7. How Garbanzo Bean, My 3 Legged Dog, Became an Unexpected Snack
8. Eat, Pray, Fall Asleep in the Synagogue
9. When Your Uber Driver is Your Analytic Geometry Teacher 
10. Waffle House Stole My Identity: A Tale of Triumph, Perseverance, and the Birth of Socialism.