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  • New Trier will rebrand to Ewnay Riertay in remembrance of those lost to the Swine Flu
  • As part of a massive marketing deal with Smuckers, teachers will have to advertise jelly in between passing periods
  • Scientists determine that infinite monkeys with typewriters could not write New Trier’s course catalog if given eternity
  • New Trier reveals 2028 plans to begin construction of a Seville campus to combat falling AP Spanish grades
  • New Trier makes revolutionary move cracking down on student vaping, adds cameras to every bathroom stall
  • New Trier announces “Zero Senioritis Policy”; implements mandatory testing, lockdowns, and quarantining for afflicted E-Building classrooms.
  • New Trier sees quarter zips decline as wearing a top hat and tux is the new craze

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

Annie v

Annie v, Writer Emeritus

Author of the smash hit Buzzfeed article “tell us your social security number and we’ll tell you what mistake you’re making with bacon”, brief tenant of the Motel 6 in Rutland, Vermont, Annie now comes to you from Winnetka a laptop near Winnetka. Outside of writing, she enjoys pretending she reads novels, pretending she cooks, and pretending she goes on long walks with the dog she does not have.

All content by Annie v
Suppression of Journalism is Good, Actually

Suppression of Journalism is Good, Actually

Annie v and Ben S April 5, 2022

Many students may wonder why the familiar stacks of student publications like the Near True News aren’t showing up in their Adviseries every Friday. It’s not because we stopped reporting the news,...

Rejected College Essays

Rejected College Essays

Eli Trokenheim and Annie von Dohlen March 5, 2021

At significant risk to their lives and reputations, our stalwart reporters here at the NTN have pieced together shredded documents recovered from the Post-High School Counseling department wastebaskets....

2019 Field Trip Report

2019 Field Trip Report

Eli Trokenheim and Annie von Dohlen March 5, 2021

Remote learning has nothing on the desire of students to get excursion cards signed! Unfortunately, the Cook County Department of Health disagreed, so here is our field trip report for 2019. Spanish-...

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