• October 26How to save money on Melatonin by crying yourself to sleep instead
  • October 26“Devious Licks” peaks with students stealing any respect the school administrators had for them
  • October 26Student feels more stressed after wasting time meditating to reduce stress
  • October 26Administrator assigned to observe whether 85 minute periods are too long falls asleep during class lecture
  • October 26New Trier improves diversity by rounding percentages
  • October 26English class reading readings on how to write rereads to write right
  • October 26Tornado Chaser finally catches up
Director of the 2000 masterpiece Animated Titanic, writer of Buzzfeed article "tell us your social security number and we'll tell you what mistake you're making with bacon", brief owner of the Motel 6 in Rutland, Vermont, Annie von Dohlen now comes to you from Winnetka a laptop near Winnetka. At the ripe old age of 477, she has written comedic journalism on the French Revolution, the American Revolution, the English Civil War, the Industrial Revolution, and the Brangelina divorce. She currently holds the Guinness World Record for the Best Incorrect Spelling of 'Bell Pepper'. Outside of writing, she enjoys reenacting the Spanish Inquisition, dressing up as King Henry Valois II of France, and shoplifting eye drops.

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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Annie von Dohlen