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The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

The Near True News

Caleb S

Caleb S, Sock puppet critic, anthill cartographer

More than just a paper enthusiast and wanted criminal in one country (Luxembourg), Caleb is a rampant lamp collector with a vendetta against lampshades. Casually fancy and outrageously reserved, nothing can escape his gravity well of thought which manifests itself upon sock puppet exhibitions and sometimes coherent works of writing, most of which is for English class; the rest make their home here.

All content by Caleb Sim
New Trier North, East, South, West Wings to be demolished to accommodate student needs

New Trier North, East, South, West Wings to be demolished to accommodate student needs

Caleb Sim November 2, 2021

In response to student complaints, primarily concerning lack of parking and food options, the New Trier administration has announced plans to “make some tweaks” to the school facilities. “In accordance...

Hot New Products!

Hot New Products!

Caleb Sim and Eli Trokenheim March 5, 2021

Looking for a hot new product to buy, or maybe even invest in? Well you’ve come to the right place. For a fraction of a year, Business Outsider has brought satisfaction to a few people with new and exciting...

Shocking Study: Children Under Age 2 Mostly Illiterate

Shocking Study: Children Under Age 2 Mostly Illiterate

Caleb Sim, Writer November 10, 2020

In a shocking study conducted by Yardvard University in early July, it has been found that children under the age of two are failing literacy tests, with an average score of only 0.6% amongst participants. Conducted...

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