Major Whoopsie Reported Downtown
New Trier Receives No Presents From Santa Because of its Sorry Lack of a Chimney
Obstruction of just-ice? Cafeteria Freezer Frozen Shut
Artfully Stained Cafeteria Chair Sold at Anchor Day Auction to Dtudent for $30 million.
Teachers Confused About Which Raptors They’re Supposed to Bring for Attendance
The Canvas Panda Has Gone Missing
Upcoming Super Bowl Halftime Show will be “Powerful Tribute to the World of Podcasting”

The Near True News

The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier

Adam R, Writer Emeritus

All content by Adam Ruzumna

Restaurant reviews!

Adam Ruzumna and Maggie von Dohlen • November 20, 2020

This issue, our team decided to share our culinary expertise with the rest of the student body by highlighting THE chic restaurants of the North Shore. Here’s our list: “The New and Improved Chipotle”––...

School Takes New Measures to Deal With Stress

Caitlin Carr-Smith and Adam Ruzumna • March 26, 2020

"Every time I see a sweaty student sprinting from the basement to the fourth floor, I think, ‘that’s real progress.’"

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