• November 20Detonation of sun causes the bankruptcy of Sunglass Hut
  • November 20Zoom announces new anti-vaxx campaign
  • November 20Handshake club disbands, “we just can’t make it work”
  • November 19College Board announces new fight-to-the-death scholarship
  • November 19Range Rover names New Trier student customer of the year
  • November 19Protesters protest, not knowing what they are protesting, despite protests
  • October 13New Trier Goes Remote; Lunch Lines Somehow Remain
  • October 13Old Building Bathrooms deemed Historical Landmark
  • October 13Dance Day performance choreographed to Challah Talk
  • October 13Climate Survey Reveals It’s Way Too Hot In Here
  • October 13Parking Lot Small
  • October 13Disturbing New Study Finds That Sophomores are Just Slightly Older Freshman
  • October 13Sinks Removed From Bathrooms to Make Room for Tik Toks
The Near True News Staff is an autonomous collective dedicated to researching, composing, and communicating the hard-hitting stories that impact students of New Trier.  All articles, lists, opinions, critiques, reviews, observations, and musings are generated by a hive mind of writers, artists, and editors employed by the Near True News.  The Near True News Staff dedicates itself to being a unilateral voice, one that speaks stridently, confidently, and ignorantly on the issues of today.  The Near True News Staff will gladly pretend to consider your feedback before being distracted by something else.

Near True News Staff

Mar 31, 2020
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The Satirical Student Newspaper of New Trier
Near True News Staff