In 34 A.D. it only cost the scribes 4 seashells to acquire it. In 1929 it was sold off for 13 slices of bread. During the Second World War II the US government purchased it for propaganda purposes. In 2003 the price soared to $450. And this week, experts believe we’re going to see the price hit 6 digits. What is it you may ask? New Trier Stool.
What is it: New Trier students have long enjoyed the pleasures provided to them by the NT Stool instagram account, whether Thursday’s “Almost Friday” post or a reminder of what color hoodies the seniors will don. Every year as a new class of seniors is welcomed to New Trier, the torch of Stool is passed on to an anonymous group of seniors, or the occasional autocratic leader. Today, the new seniors will name their price in hopes of bidding on (and winning) the coveted New Trier Stool.
Who is in the running for stool: This year features the largest cast of student groups ever, with many returning classics as well as first time candidates. Below are the odds of some notable names:
- Football Captains / 8-1
- New Trier Pooping Team / 17-2
- Girls Bobsled Team / 24-1
- Math Olympiad / π-2
- Science Olympiad / 300-1 (doesn’t care as long as Math Olympiad loses)
- Uncast Theater Kids / 35-1
- FFAE (Freshman For Age Equality) / 100-1
- Near True News (might as well toss our name in the hat) / 26-1
- Out of the Box Club 6-0?
- KW Dodgeball Dynasty / 9-1
The amount these groups will put on the line just demonstrates the desire to control this classic Instagram account. For example, the Frisbee Golf Club is sacrificing the total of its 2026 disc fund for the auction, but some have more to fight for. Stan K. Pooh, the son of a former owner, states, “I’ve brought 50 cafeteria cookies with me to ensure I win this election. Stool runs in my genes and losing it would be a skidmark on my family name.”
What to expect: This Friday during lunch, students will crowd throughout the basement hallways as this year’s auction begins in room 001. Although spectators are not allowed inside, it’s a yearly tradition for students to come representing their preferred owner with flags, merch, and obnoxious chants. Whilst inside the auction classroom, beginning at noon, the masked auctioneer, adorned by the head of Trevius, reads off the first price. Quickly, students offer up their allowance and lifeguarding money as the price skyrockets. Who leads the charge and who has fallen out of the race will be a complete mystery to those cheering outside until the masked auctioneer shoots out green smoke from beneath the door announcing that a winner has been decided. Funny enough, nobody will know the identity of the winner due to the extensive NDA’s signed by those within the room, protecting the integrity of Stool’s anonymity.
How can I watch: Visit New Trier’s website to tune into the Conclave Pre-game Show for free and access the pay-per-view of the actual bidding starting at 12:00 PM CST.
Who do we think will win? Most of our experts have their money on a group of STUCO politicians, however, I, myself, have my money on the 250-1 odds of the drama kids blowing half of Lagniappe’s budget on acquiring Stool. You can check out this year’s odds and bet your own lunch money on www.betnewtrier.com, or go to our personal bookie, Bo Welles.
