Following this past month’s raids on the Village of Winnetka, the acquisition of Loyola and its territories, and the seizure of the Indian Hill train station, New Trier has successfully accomplished its most criticized military exploit yet. This past Wednesday, New Trier’s Special Operations Team captured Glenbrook South’s student body president, Cameron Day, from his 7th period health class.
The special operations team, formerly known as NT Laser Taggers United, has recently recruited prospects from New Trier’s Call of Duty, Drone Racing, and Military Strategy Olympiad teams, under the direct supervision of NT’s new National Security Advisor and Student Activities Head, Noelle Knope. Knope’s new position is part of a project headed by superintendent Don McMaffin and Advisor Chair of Defense Sarah Wright to prepare New Trier for their upcoming steps of advancing their reign.
Knope promises to bring Cameron Day to justice, seeking up to a weekend detention for his authoritarian actions, deeming him a student body dictator and one of the most wanted figures in the Central Suburban League (CSL). The 21-year-old Day has infamously flunked his Senior Writer’s Seminar four years in a row to ensure his ability to return for succeeding terms. While Day has grown GBS’s booster funds exponentially through his exploitation of the school’s massive collection of electronic pencil sharpeners, he rules with an iron fist. Each school day must begin with pledging your allegiance to Day and any tardiness is met with reprimands from Day himself, often in the form of burpees or running suicides. The seizure of Day has sparked a variety of outbursts from GBS and other high schools alike. One anonymous GBS student states, “It’s about time that loser was taken out of power, he’s made the prom theme Treaty of Versailles every year!”
To fill the leadership gap at Glenbrook South, New Trier Dance Team sophomore Hailey Windsor has stepped up. Windsor promises, despite her lack of leadership experience, to bring great harmony to the war-ridden schools of Glenbrook North and South. However, her proposal of combining the two schools into what she calls ‘Megabrook’ had little support from students of either schools.
The most pressing issue at the moment is the actions that the towns of Glenview and Northbrook will take in response to New Trier’s hostile takeover. Northbrook has called for a meeting of the United Council of North Shore Municipalities next week to decide future endeavors. However, their sister town of Glenview has yet to release a statement on the issue. Researchers predict that this hostile move from New Trier will lead the council to come together and wage war against the aggressive McMaffin regime.
We at Near True News wish nothing but peace amongst the fellow high schools of the northern suburban area of Chicago. We currently have undercover operatives gathering evidence in Glenbrook South for further release. Without a doubt, these are some of the most troublesome times the CSL has faced and we can only hope it settles down before any worse actions.
