- Major Whoopsie Reported Downtown
- New Trier Receives No Presents From Santa Because of its Sorry Lack of a Chimney
- Obstruction of just-ice? Cafeteria Freezer Frozen Shut
- Artfully Stained Cafeteria Chair Sold at Anchor Day Auction to Dtudent for $30 million.
- Teachers Confused About Which Raptors They’re Supposed to Bring for Attendance
- The Canvas Panda Has Gone Missing
- Upcoming Super Bowl Halftime Show will be “Powerful Tribute to the World of Podcasting”
