Following the end of first semester, participants in AP Physics C have since gone on a class excursion to the Dwayne T.R. Johnson observatory in New Mexico, and have returned with reports of a meteor’s trajectory, expected to collide with Earth December 6th, 2024. The meteor, scientifically named “El Diablo de las Bibliotecas,” measures 400 miles in diameter and will cause certain death for all known species shortly after initial impact.

To avoid unnecessary stress, the school administration will be hosting “End of World Experiences,” a pre-disaster gathering featuring candy, social workers, and other amenities offered to any students who may be having a hard time coping with their impending doom. In the email sent en-masse to all New Trier members, the school has encouraged students to attend as it will make for an easy boost for college applications. This plan will ensure that the apocalypse is safe, inclusive, and respectful for everyone.

Student council will be tangentially hosting a creative writing contest with a “What I Would Do If I Had One More Day To Live” theme. Snacks provided will include astronaut ice cream, mars bars, and pop rocks. Student council has contacted the local dog shelter, which will supply the school with therapy dogs: two white Labradors and a Schnauzer, accordingly named Rocky, Comet, and The Collector of Death. A fundraiser will also be taking place in which participating seniors will be able to pelt a teacher of their choice with moon rocks.

Principal Dawn McMaffin hopes that the experience will be a memorable and meaningful one: “We are very excited to offer our students and staff a unique and enriching doomsday experience,” said McMaffin. “This is a chance for us to reflect on our values and embrace our diversity as a family, while simultaneously preparing students for the many challenges they will have to face for the rest of their particularly short lives.”